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Grandparents to dad: Take $125,000 and give up your kid!
A tattooed father sporting body piercings and a criminal record turned down a $125,000 "walking check" from grandparents fighting for custody of his son. The dad's lawyer says: "It's subjective, their dislike of him. Body piercings and tattoos are not the basis for terminating parental rights." (Standard.net)
May 6, 2008 | Permalink
Comments
so where's the mother now?
too bad it's too late for the Farmer Bob option
Posted by: Lambiepie | May 6, 2008 12:59:52 PM
I would like to see a photo of Tyler...the grandparents' reaction makes it seem like he's stapled himself shut.
Posted by: Horton | May 6, 2008 1:09:36 PM
"It's subjective, their dislike of him," said Drage, an Ogden attorney. "Body piercings and tattoos are not the basis for terminating parental rights."
Subjective?... Well, its a *fact* that he's decorated on purpose. People don't break into tatoos as the result of disease. One of the perfectably acceptable consequences of ink is that other people aren't going to like it.
And most people with ink or metal will tell you they did it for a REASON. For SELF-EXPRESSION. If it turns out that some people don't like your expressed self..who's fault is that?
If he really wanted to secure rights to his daughter a fifteen minute excursion to a judge with the Lovely Amber would have taken care of everything.
My guess is that Lovely Amber may have been declared unfit and the parents are trying to salvage the grandchild.
Posted by: nellagain | May 6, 2008 1:29:35 PM
You're probably right Nell. I'm sure the grandparents couldn't care less if he had a tackle box hanging off his face, if he had a job, was responsible, kept out of barroom brawls, etc. They're only trying to save their granddaughter.
Posted by: kevy | May 6, 2008 1:34:45 PM
That's my sense, too. For whatever reason, the grandparents think this guy is an unfit dad and are trying to buy him off. And it probably isn't just the piercings and tattoos, either.
Posted by: Phranqlin | May 6, 2008 1:37:40 PM
I didn't see anything in the article about the father being incompetent
The grandparents don't like tatoos and body piercings, unlike their daughter
They should have given the money to their daughter to keep her legs together
Posted by: Lambiepie | May 6, 2008 1:38:17 PM
I did a search for a photo of the guy; no luck.
Posted by: Jim Romenesko | May 6, 2008 1:40:12 PM
If tattoos and piercings make you an unfit parent in their eyes, then when I do eventually have my kids I'll be a pretty unfit parent by then I have already 10 piercings and 3 tattoos and more of both to come!!!!
Too bad. Tattoos are a form of art and self expression and they can be very beautiful.
My hubby n I both have tattoos and I know he'll be more covered in them down the road and I know that he'll be the best father. You can't always base someone's parenting abilities on their outward appearance.
Posted by: that one lady | May 6, 2008 2:26:32 PM
There has to be MORE to this story than just the body art & piercings. [Yes, the bar room brawls are not going help...] There has to be more to this...
Why would the story mention the age of the father but not the mother.....hmmm? [can we say minor?]
The closing statement was phenonmenally astute!
Outstanding piece of journalistic reporting!
I would never have come to that conclusion based on the rest of the article.
Posted by: Anna | May 6, 2008 2:40:57 PM
OOPS!
She can not be a minor if they printed her name!
Sorry!
Posted by: Anna | May 6, 2008 2:41:37 PM
...The case is also complicated by the fact Meibos, 22, has been sitting in the Weber County Jail since his arrest in December for his part in a drunken fight...
Hmmmmm, MAYBE there is MORE to it!??
Since when does it take 5 months for a simple street fight to be heard? Obviously the piercings and tats might not be the center of their concerns. And if he is still in custody, how can he be awarded gaurdian?
Posted by: ttjack | May 6, 2008 2:53:59 PM
ttjack - "Since when does it take 5 months for a simple street fight to be heard? Obviously the piercings and tats might not be the center of their concerns."
Except the article says the offer was made more than a year ago when she was in labor.
There certainly is more going on and this article is woefully lacking in facts.
It really sounds like it was an attempted payoff to get him out of all of their lives.
Posted by: David | May 6, 2008 3:07:24 PM
Cool, so if I ever find out I've got a bastard out there...I'll just get pierced and tattooed and I'll never have to worry about custody!
Posted by: Sean, Torrington CT | May 6, 2008 4:29:44 PM
Tattoos are a form of art and self expression and they can be very beautiful.
There are many studies out there that show that people with lots of piercings and tats suffer from a great deal of inattention and/or self-loathing issues. I don't know what I think about that, but personally, you want to mod yourself? Go for it. I do know one woman whose insistence on getting tats all over controls her life. She's the only one who doesn't see it...I also know someone who's the same way with her piercings. Most people are regular folk, in my experience. They just like it. I don't know if they think it makes them more attractive or not.
I find tats and piercings a major turnoff, but I would never try and keep someone's kid from them because of just that. You have to look at the total "parent picture" beyond the physical.
Posted by: Wolf | May 6, 2008 5:35:50 PM
...and as a non-parent, I'd take the cash.
I was lucky enough to be widowed childless...if that's possible. I'm sure if I already had the child I'd feel differently.
Posted by: Wolf | May 6, 2008 6:06:10 PM
I guess that would all depend on what kind of person they are deep down within. My tattoos all really mean something to me. And I definitely am not self-loathing or suffer from any inattention.
I think there are beautiful tattoos, and then I think that there are extremely stupid, obscene, and creepy tattoos that would make you ask "why in the hell would you ever permanently mark yourself with that monstrosity?"
Depends on the person and what they are trying to portray.
Posted by: that one lady | May 6, 2008 6:11:11 PM
I definitely am not self-loathing or suffer from any inattention.
That's what most ( >90% ) of the study respondents apparently said. Like I say, I don't know, and I don't really care, it's up to you so long as you know why some people say no.
If it's beauty to you, then it's beauty.
I do think you need to decide before you get a tat what age might do to it...
Posted by: Wolf | May 6, 2008 6:34:48 PM
...by that, I mean, as your muscles get flabby, is it still going to look OK? Will that dancing girl dance, or waddle and stumble? And will you be OK with it?
Posted by: Wolf | May 6, 2008 6:40:19 PM
If the mother was declared unfit, imho, there's a decent chance the grandparents made her that way. It's just not normal to attempt to buy a child.
Posted by: WZ | May 6, 2008 7:37:47 PM
Wolf, what study?
Posted by: WZ | May 6, 2008 7:38:32 PM
Since were talking about tattoos i'll just say i'm torn on the matter. My son and nephew both decided to get them on their arms way down to the wrist.Good parents and nice people to be around .That being said they have to accept the fact that others perception of them is a fact of life that they must deal with.There are just some jobs that they cannot get as they don't project the companies image properly. Right wrong or otherwise its still a fact.
Posted by: spstevens | May 6, 2008 9:36:53 PM
Wolf..I only have pierced ears (2 in each lobes), belly button piercing & a selectively placed tattoo that nobody gets to see unless I want them to see it. I did the belly button piercing & tattoo after the age of 40....& chose a small discreet design. The only thing I regretted was the belly button piercing when jewelry got caught in the zipper of my jeans. Screwed up the zipper in my jeans, but saved the jewelry! That really hurt!
As for the subject at hand....
The reporter definitely did NOT get all the details.
I am still waiting to hear how old the mother was.
Posted by: Anna | May 6, 2008 10:59:52 PM
"Body piercings and tattoos are not the basis for terminating parental rights."
Maybe they should be,
Posted by: * | May 6, 2008 11:50:21 PM
* ....
Body arts should never be the basis for terminating parental rights.
Irresponsible personal & behavorial choices should be.
i.e. Who is tending the child while you spend 5 months in jail for a bar room brawl?
Are you still paying child support?
No visitation while in jail - so your interaction with your child is eliminated/suspended.... (but, believe me, the child will not remember you after 5 months at that age!)
Perhaps this guy should have taken the money & ran.
He's not doing anything to help his case, is he.
Posted by: Anna | May 7, 2008 12:13:58 AM
THE FATHER STILL HAS RIGHTS
Posted by: ULTRA | May 7, 2008 4:23:55 AM
I also would like to see that study...
My tattoos are also very selectively placed so that I would have to show someone in order for them to see it. And I intend to keep them all that way. But heavens, the day someone sees them, I may be declared as an unfit parent.
I agree with Anna, "Body arts should never be the basis for terminating parental rights."
and that's that!
Posted by: that one lady | May 7, 2008 4:36:40 AM
Here's another viewpoint on why the parents might not have taken the money:
Mister has this cousin who is a bit, um, special, and so is his wife. They had a baby the same day Mister and I did. Two-ish years later, CPS is involved. We offered to take guardianship, with open visitation and all that. We have medical and dental insurance, guaranteed employment, a nice home, a decent car...
They said no. Why? "Because that kid is all I have."
Not exactly sound reasoning, but a reason nonetheless.
Just a thought.
Posted by: Soo | May 7, 2008 5:08:31 AM
I was named after the tattoo of a girl's name that my father had done before he met my mom. I guess that was one way to fix the "problem" before lasers came out. Wonder what they would have done if I was a boy?
Posted by: lld | May 7, 2008 5:20:20 AM
I think this case should have nothing to do with tats or piercings. The facts should revolve around whether or not pops is getting out of jail soon or faces a long term stay.
The person you choose to be has nothing to do with how your body is decorated. While I like tats,I personally find excessive piercings kinda nasty. However, I'm not about to say someone they can't be a good parent because they can't go through a metal detector.
It's quite a statement that the grandparents want this child badly enough to pay big bucks for her, but that could just be a sign of trouble to come. You can't buy a child's love, you have to give love to earn it...hopefully these grandparents won't just throw money at the kid and expect total devotion and domination in return. Perhaps that's what happened to mom. She rebelled against Daddy Warbucks, got knocked up by a bad boy, and now Daddy and Mommy Dearest want to cover it up and make it all go away.
Posted by: jojo | May 7, 2008 5:42:59 AM
Given the choice between tattoos and piercings, I'd stick with piercings. If you need to go someplace where a piercing isn't appropriate (e.g., a job interview) or decide you don't like your piercings, you can take them out and the only thing left is a small scar. Tattoos cost big bucks to be removed, although they can be covered up depending on where you get them.
Posted by: Phranqlin | May 7, 2008 6:52:32 AM
This is complete racism...racism I tell you!
/throws down the race card
Posted by: Naga Please! | May 7, 2008 6:52:54 AM
Naga, you just had to go there, didn't you?
:P
Posted by: Soo | May 7, 2008 8:21:50 AM
"There are many studies out there that show that people with lots of piercings and tats suffer from a great deal of inattention and/or self-loathing issues."
This is an interesting claim so I don't think i'm asking much by asking you to link to several.
Personally I have a sleeve, some other random non visible tattoos, and one piercing that i took out a year or two later.
My reason for getting them was that i thought tattoos looked cool, girls with them were hot, and therefore they helped a great deal in getting myself laid by those sorts of girls.
Posted by: boynamedsue | May 7, 2008 11:25:04 AM
I was wondering about that as well so I did a random drawn on Eric--there are certainly are a lot of thought pieces, but not too many actual we counted stuff type studies.
If I were going to hazard a guess on this, tatoos may once have been usable as markers for psych disorders but can't really be used now--more people getting tatooed has diluted the pool.
Study from Loyola, It was concluded that there were no significant differences in the GPA of those with body modifications and those without body modifications.
http://clearinghouse.missouriwestern.edu/manuscripts/414.asp
Teenagers and Tattoos by Andres Martin,an assistant professor child psychiatry at the Yale Child Study Center in New Heaven,CT
Conclusions: tats not as bad as you think
Department of Psychological Medicine, Dunedin School of Medicine, Dunedin, New Zealand, NZ
Results: Women with tattoos were more likely to be younger, to drink more alcohol, to have more psychiatric symptoms and to show borderline personality features than were the non tattooed women. They were also more likely to report Child Sexual abuse.
A case-control study of tattoos in young suicide victims as a possible marker of risk .
Journal of Affective Disorders , Volume 59 , Issue 2 , Pages 165 - 168
D . Dhossche
The prevalence of tattoos was compared between young (<30) white suicides and accidental deaths matched for age, gender and race, in a case-control study. Results: Tattoos were found in 21% of suicides. Fifty-seven percent of young white suicides were tattooed compared to 29% of matched accidental deaths. (study limited to 133 cases none of which had pre-mortem psych information)
Posted by: nellagain | May 7, 2008 11:46:05 AM
my cat tattoo isn't outlined in black (except eyes, nose & whiskers) so I expect it will go from a short-hair to an angora kitty as I age
at my last job (in a large corporation) my co-workers chipped in to get me a tongue piercing for x-mas. I kept it for about 4 years
last time I checked there was no self-loathing going on
Posted by: Lambiepie | May 7, 2008 2:00:02 PM
I'm a bit late, but all the opinions on tatoos was interesting. For the owner, each tatoo usually has significant meaning. I dont think how many tatoos or piercings one has will determine what type of parent
that person will be, however...I'm always amused by the people that have TONS of tatoos....but can't afford to
feed themselves...tatoos are expensive. I've wanted
one for years...but I consider it a frivolous expense, so I wont get it until I've got some extra cash layin around...and at this rate, I may be 80
Posted by: Cherie | May 8, 2008 6:34:32 AM
