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Teen breaks into bank, strips and takes a dump
The 16-year-old is accused of smashing an ATM, then sitting on a railing over the lobby and defecating on the floor below. He told cops he was bored and had taken four Xanax pills before his hijinks. (Detroit Free Press)
November 13, 2007 | Permalink
Comments
Damn...and some banks won't even accept rolled pennies...
Posted by: SwarthyTroll | Nov 13, 2007 7:18:55 AM
Does that count as a deposit or a withdrawl?
Posted by: Jack | Nov 13, 2007 7:20:53 AM
Every time some punk makes the excuse that he was "bored," he should get double prison time.
Posted by: Sheila | Nov 13, 2007 7:29:04 AM
I didn't get through the first sentence before I was assuming drugs were involved and there it was "he was bored and had taken four Xanax pills"...what happened to playing ball in the yard?????
We need to quit medicating these kids everytime they claim they're depressed or they can't concentrate.
Posted by: Cherie | Nov 13, 2007 7:40:26 AM
They should've grabbed him by the hair and bounced his face a few times in his "deposit"...
Posted by: Mook | Nov 13, 2007 7:56:48 AM
Where is jimmyjohn when you need him? This kid is in desperate need of being grounded for 1 week and having his phone privileges taken away for 2 weeks. Right now!
Posted by: Naga Please! | Nov 13, 2007 7:59:15 AM
Cherie,
My guess is that this guy medicated himself as opposed to being medicated.
Posted by: Lou Sussler | Nov 13, 2007 8:27:51 AM
OK, I've taken, uh, off-label doses of Xanax before, and it never inspired remotely similar behavior. I think his inclination toward sociopathic behavior drives his drug use, not the other way around.
Posted by: Doug | Nov 13, 2007 8:32:18 AM
After wreaking all that havok, what else was there to do except defecate as a final flourish? Icing on the cake, if you will.
Posted by: Dave | Nov 13, 2007 8:53:54 AM
Imagine how bored he's going to be, SOBER and in JAIL. Bye.
Posted by: JimmyVa | Nov 13, 2007 8:57:01 AM
This is one case where I didn't bother reading the story. What's the point? Jim's headline simply cannot be improved upon.
Posted by: Me | Nov 13, 2007 9:11:02 AM
what the heck is a 16 year old doing out at 3:40 AM, in the first place? Gawd, i'm 45 years old, and it's hard for me to find anything to do at that time of the day. Of course he was bored. Go home and go to bed, idiot.
Posted by: Gabriel | Nov 13, 2007 9:11:28 AM
What, No McDonald's refrences?
Posted by: SB | Nov 13, 2007 9:15:57 AM
oh naga paleeze....this kid should have had a few beatings at the hands of his parents, then he wouldn't be doing this crap (no pun intended). Oh, and naga.....I'm very happy that I am the one that doesn't need to beat up my kid (like you) to get him to behave. Now go smack your kid, chances are he is doing something or will do something today that requires a beating from you....you must feel so powerful when you smack the kids around. If your kid asks why you are hitting him, just tell him it is for his own good and if he didn't do anything tell him it is for the next time....you are banking beatings...hey, another pun with the "bank" reference!
Posted by: jimmyjohn | Nov 13, 2007 9:18:44 AM
4 Xanax (regardless of votage) are unlikely to result in anything but a 4 hour nap.
Posted by: NellAgain | Nov 13, 2007 9:37:09 AM
Gabriel...I'm thinking he did the act earlier. It said he was arrested at 3:40am, but it states that he said on a railing and deficated in the lobby...so the bank must've been open at the time. I dont know of any banks that are open at 3:40 in the morning.
Posted by: Cherie | Nov 13, 2007 9:45:01 AM
FOUR Xanax? The kid must have a high tolerance to meds. If I take ONE, I'm out for at least four hours (I usually feel the need after a long session of OS&RR).
A shout-out to the Trollish one for making me laugh out loud-thanks, man.
Posted by: pnwgal | Nov 13, 2007 9:46:32 AM
Cherie... I read it to say he BROKE into the bank...
Posted by: Jack | Nov 13, 2007 10:00:28 AM
My goodness, Jack, but you're a stickler for detail. It's not necessary that Cherie should read all the articles. The important thing is that she showed up.
Posted by: Dave | Nov 13, 2007 10:10:56 AM
I was bored, so I went to the bank
In a buzz (I have Xanax to thank).
I smashed up some stuff,
Then got in the buff,
And made a deposit that stank.
Posted by: KC | Nov 13, 2007 10:16:17 AM
KC--I think you've outdone yourself with this one!
Posted by: troschne | Nov 13, 2007 10:27:50 AM
Bizarre bank break-in ends in a real mess.
Posted by: | Nov 13, 2007 10:48:56 AM
"Now go smack your kid, chances are he is doing something or will do something today that requires a beating from you....you must feel so powerful when you smack the kids around."
LOL...
I don't smack the kids around. I send them to timeout for 15 minutes. Then I send them to their rooms for the rest of the evening so they can play Xbox 360. No phone though. They lose phone privileges.
Now if we could all just give every prisoner in the system a hug, we can do away with crime once and for all.
Posted by: Naga Please! | Nov 13, 2007 10:49:12 AM
Hahaha! That story was hysterical. And ST's first comment made me laugh even more. I love this site.
Posted by: Cracker Crumbs | Nov 13, 2007 11:35:27 AM
Considering this happened in Detroit I'm surprised it even made the news. Detroit is basically just one big dump.
Posted by: G-Man | Nov 13, 2007 11:37:45 AM
