HollaBack lets women post photos of pervs, harassers

HollaBack started a year ago, when a woman posted a cell-phone picture of a raw-food restaurateur masturbating while he looked at her on the subway. (It was posted on Obscure Store at the time.) More than a dozen cities now have HollaBack sites. (San Francisco Chronicle)

Comments

[vksjk]

There needs to be a website for men in which they can post the names or just simply describe the rudest rejections they've received from women.
In my years on the dating scene I've seen some women reject men in some incredibly harsh and rude ways. It'd be nice if there was a website for men to post rude rejection stories.

[cib]

In general I agree that it's offensive to get uninvited comments and especially physical contact, however, I also believe that if your thong underwear is visible in public, all bets are off.

[Otis Chance]

Juding by the "man-hands" seen in the picture, I doubt if any of those women have anything to worry about.

Especially the one with the thumb-ring. Becuase you know what they say about womyn with thumb-rings.

[joe]

eh? What do "they" say about women with thumb rings?

wow, there's even one for appalachia, no stories there, mostly just the faq from the nyc version. I'd have added a few more FAQs, such as "who walks on the street out here?" and "why does appalachia need this?" but apparently someone saw the need.

http://hollabackapp.blogspot.com/index.html

[SwarthyTroll]

Hahaha...Appalachia.

"Hey yew I think yer tooth is real pretty."

Before the website the only way they could deal with the problem involved post-it notes in the family photo album.

[Swangirl]

There's a world of difference between a guy saying someting about a woman being pretty and a guy jacking off in front of a woman on a public bus/train.

There was some perv on Dr. Phil (believe me, not a show I watch often) last week who had been arrested for being a Peeping Tom or exposing himself to women on buses dozens of times over the past 20 years. He claimed that a large percentage of the women he exposed himself to actually got off the bus WITH HIM to have sex or smiled when he did it in front of them. He was definitely delusional.

[jdotglenn]

Awful name. Great idea, awful name.

[Poncho]

"Monica Cumming, 22, said her anger is subsiding now that she has a place to vent about the daily comments she gets on her way to work and school in Oakland."

I forsee a promising career in porn for Ms. Cumming.

"Yeah you like that baby?"

[Lou Sussler]

I agree with them for the most part but the tag line at their website is wrong.

It states in pertinent portion "...you have the right to feel safe, confident, and sexy, without being the object of some turd's fantasy."

That's patently untrue. They may have the right to be free of unwanted verbal or physical contact but a fantasy is a thought and they certainly don't have the right not to be in somebody elses thoughts. Then they would be the thought police and while it's obvious that this is what they're trying to do, first it's impossible and second, it's not their right.

[boynamedsue]

oakland is pretty bad for this kinda thing. my girlfriend gets shit all the time.

[Jay]

Monica Cumming gets offensive comments daily? If one person calls you a duck, he's crazy. If 20 people call you a duck, start quacking.

[Otis Chance]

As Dr. Evil would say to many of these women:

"You ain't all that and a bag of potato chips".

[JDubs]

I hate those damn websites. I've had to move twice because of those damn women and their little camera phones. You grab one ass and you're labeled for life!

[kgillenwater]

The problem is, some men don't find this kind of behavior all that threatening or scary (even husbands and boyfriends of women who experienced this). They see a guy jacking off in public as gross, pathetic, and maybe even funny. To a woman, it is creepy, disturbing, and should be considered sexual assault.

There is definitely a difference between a woman who may be in a bar or a place where sexual talk or sexual contact (in the form of polite touching, etc.) may be acceptable. Try your bad pick-up lines there, please. But to verbally or visually assault a woman who is sitting on a bus, walking down a street, or just going about her daily business is just plain wrong. Most women don't really feel like discussing their ass or other female body parts in broad daylight in public...just FYI.

I wish I could describe how scary and unsettling this type of behavior is to women. He may seem 'harmless' to you guys out there, but to us women, how do we know that his next move wouldn't be to grab, attack, rape, etc.? We *don't.*

I would ask that next time a man sees a woman being harrassed in this way, stand up for her. Put yourself between her and this creep and give him a piece of your mind. Don't laugh. Don't ignore it. Help her out and help her to feel safe.

"Put yourself between her and this creep and give him a piece of your mind. Don't laugh. Don't ignore it. Help her out and help her to feel safe"
Then ask her out...

[anonymous]

ok it is wrong for a guy to whip it out in public seriously, thats what photographic memory is for LATER.

so i have to say this though that there are some girls out there that are practically asking for guys to drool all over them but then when they get attention from someone they dont like they act all offended like he's a perv.

If a guy is truly being an ass then he deserves what it is coming to him but posting a picture or telling a story about him is not going to make him change his ways. Hell, if any of these guys found out they would just brag to their friends that they made the "asshole" list and nothing more.

[Gene B]

Best free publicity I ever had!!!!!

[ProfDon]

Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

[David]

While I applaud the "fighting back" idea of sites like these, sooner or later someone is going to say "Wow, I know how I'll get him back for ______! I'll post his picture on pervert.com."

That or the obligatory badly thought out practical joke will end up with some poor guy who has never done anything like this posted on the web.

[Amy Alkon]

It's rare a guy says something really vile -- at least, in my experience, and I've lived in New York and Los Angeles, and visited plenty of other cities.

Now, I go to a good deal of trouble getting dressed in the morning. If some guy whistles or says something in the realm of complimentary, I simply smile and say thanks.

Hint to the ladies out there: it takes on a whole new tone if you don't think and act like a victim.

Moreover, I wrote a column last week which got into how to reject a man. Again, unless a man asks you out in a most rude and disrespectful way, I think you owe it to him to be kind in how you respond. Remember: He laid his ego on the line to ask you out. Does it really cost you to be gracious, to act grateful? Just have an excuse ready if he's not for you: You're married, a lesbian, you're 35 and still grounded, whatever. The important thing is that he understands your answer is no -- you don't have to squash him under your boot like a bug in the process.

[Even_steven]

Our society is fascinated with sex and our young men (and women) are being brought up with skewed ideas of what real love and sex are due to the explosion of porn and casual sex. The behavior of the male of our species between the ages of 14-30 (at least)has become more aggressive and more sexual and society and the media seem to embrace this. As a result, our young women are at risk from these idiots on a daily basis...from catcalling to rape.

While the website may not be perfect, at least it gives these women some of their power back by allowing them to 'out' the pervs and warn others.

[Maria]

"Moreover, I wrote a column last week which got into how to reject a man. Again, unless a man asks you out in a most rude and disrespectful way, I think you owe it to him to be kind in how you respond. Remember: He laid his ego on the line to ask you out. Does it really cost you to be gracious, to act grateful? Just have an excuse ready if he's not for you: You're married, a lesbian, you're 35 and still grounded, whatever. The important thing is that he understands your answer is no -- you don't have to squash him under your boot like a bug in the process."

hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

I started out being nice and polite, but many of the men hitting on me just thought that meant I was playing hard to get. I have found the easiest and most effective way to get my point across is to state it directly with no extra polite touch. No, you can not buy me a drink, sit near me, take me out or socialize with me. I am quite capable of letting someone know it's OK to approach but perhaps even better at letting them know it's NOT.

[Swangirl]

"Does it really cost you to be gracious, to act grateful?" I think there's a difference, even though I'm not single any longer.

To be gracious, no, it doesn't cost anything. I think that's definitely the right way to approach a turn down.

Grateful? I don't know if it has to go to that extreme. I think you can turn someone down kindly without making it seem like he was the only guy in months who has asked and probably will be the only one for a long time.

[WZ]

I don't feel called to act grateful to every man who asked me out.
I was propositioned a couple weeks ago by a 61 year old man - he's damned lucky I didn't burst out laughing. He's older than my dad and was hardly given any encouragement from me.
Gracious, of course. Grateful? Come on. They're not doing me some huge favor by asking me out. They're proposing something that in the best circumstances benefits both of us and in the worst is just another annoyance.

[Korey]

I don't think many people realize how frightening a simple catcall can be until it happens and it occurs to you that anything can happen to you at any time. The point is that the type of person who feels a catcall is appropriate can progress to much worse. In the city where I grew up (Lake Forest, CA) there were numerous men who hid and waited to reveal themselves to women on a popular jogging/biking trail. My mom was approached by a masterbating man who then proceeded to chase her. She was told by the police that they knew of at least 30 men within a mile of our house who enjoyed masterbating in that area, but had yet to convict one. She stopped jogging. It is awful to feel that it is not safe to do something reasonable (i.e. jogging in broad daylight). One man has been revealing himself to random people in stores and on the street for years and has yet to be caught - how hard can it be to catch a naked, running man? It's a sickness that not many people hear of, but it is rampant in our society.

[Amy Alkon]

It's a sickness that not many people hear of, but it is rampant in our society.

Oh, please. It's anything but "rampant."

how hard can it be to catch a naked, running man?

I don't know. Naked men don't usually run away from me.

Grateful? Come on. They're not doing me some huge favor by asking me out.

Here's an example. An enormous, drooling man in overalls in 7-11 who seemed a bit slow said, "You're so pretty. Would you go on a date with me?"

It really didn't cost me anything to pretend to be pleased he asked; to smile and say, "Thank you so much...that's so sweet, and I would, but I'm married."

Why is that such a big deal with any guy? I really appreciate men who have the guts to lay their egos on the line and go after somebody they want.

[WZ]

That's hardly any reason to feel grateful to any man who asks me out.
There's a difference between being kind and being friendly and treating the people around you well INLCUDING the men who ask you out, and feeling like you need to be grateful to them for asking.
I just think "grateful" is the wrong word and implies an inherent sense that I, as the woman and the one being asked, am in a position of less power or value, and I have no interest in catering to that idea. A date is of mutual benefit, after all, more a joining of forces than a favor done for another.
I've never been cruel or unkind in turning down a date. I have been flattered, and would have been in the situation you described - but not "grateful".

[crankyike]

Being a white male and the cause of nearly everything that has plagued our world, I can not help but think of the other side of the coin..........Would it be OK to have a " Bitch " web site?

Although I check frequently on the state police's site for pedophiles and sex crimes, this is a legal site. The people have been convicted. There is no chance for the type of things David described.

Don't we have some expectation to the right of privacy?

If some perv did this to my wife or daughter, if they didn't kick his ass, I certainly would.

Sure, there is a " politeness " line that should not be crossed when ashing for a date, but try being nice if not polite first.

[Amy Alkon]

I just think "grateful" is the wrong word and implies an inherent sense that I, as the woman and the one being asked, am in a position of less power or value, and I have no interest in catering to that idea.

Oh, please. If a guy asks me out, I just think he thinks I'm attractive.

And women who write to me (I'm a syndicated advice columnist) wonder why men don't ask women out so much anymore.

I didn't say you have to feel grateful -- just that it would be nice if you treated him as if he were an equal, and not horrifying, as it's kind and doesn't cost you anything -- and he did lay his ego on the line, didn't he?

Women who think like you do, WZ, are THE worst women to get involved with. They always have a chip on their shoulder about something.

Hint: most guys just want to get laid and have a nice woman in their life; it's really not about "the patriarchy."

FYI, it really only takes three things to keep a man happy, and, in turn, have him treat you like gold. First, you have to find a good guy -- and to do that, you need to have self-esteem. Okay, so, first, find a good guy, then:

1. Be sweet to him
2. Don't gain 300 lbs.
3. Give him blow jobs. (And, in general, keep the bedroom open for business.)

[WZ]

Women who think like you do, WZ, are THE worst women to get involved with. They always have a chip on their shoulder about something.
Way to go with the idiotic personal attack that is exactly the opposite of how it works!
I have no chip on my shoulder about anything. I just see being with someone as something to mutually enjoy, nothing I am doing as a favor for them or them for me. I don't hate men and I dislike people who do, most of my best friends are men and I tend to prefer the friendships of men.
Don't be obtuse.
I didn't say anything about a patriarchy, there's never been any man who asked me out and acted as if he wanted my gratitude; if he had acted like he was doing me a favor he wouldn't have gotten far.
I get asked out plenty. :) Lack of potential dates not an issue I have. Obviously your ASSumptions about my way of thinking are as asinine as they seem.
BTW, being an advice columnist means you know the right people and feel like telling other people what to do, it does not necessarily mean you're more right or have any better advice than anyone else. It doesn't make your opinion that I should be grateful valid.
I am appreciative and I am friendly and kind. If I don't feel I need to go as far as gratitude for being asked out, and the men who ask me out aren't asking for it, (and I did not ask your advice), then you don't really have any ground to stand on, and your half-assed judgments about my feelings about men and my suitability as a partner/girlfriend/date really don't have anything to do with anything.
Is it really that awful when someone has a different opinion from you that you must say these kind of hateful things? My advice to you then would be to show a little maturity and respect. Me disagreeing with you is not a personal attack and none was called for in return.

[Amy Alkon]

Unlike many, or probably most, advice columnists, my column is based in reason and data, so I can say it's much better than the advice you'll get from columnists who simply restate the status quo without thinking too much. Albert Ellis, one of the founders of cognitive behavioral therapy, called me "Saner than most of the therapists (he) know(s)," and, when I was thinking of going for a Ph.D., told me I knew what I needed to know, and "It would be a waste of time."

I go every year to the same conferences as psychologists, anthropologists, and evolutionary psychs, and read the same journals they do. I get fan letters from many of the researchers whose data I use in my column, thanking me for correctly communicating their work. I write only one column a week because of the tremendous research I put into my column. And while I'm not a Ph.D., I presented, by invitation, "How To Build A Better Meme," at the Human Behavior & Evolution Conference at Rutgers a few years back. My work was later positively reviewed in Jerome Barkow's new book, Darwin's Dangerous Idea. You can dislike me, but don't say I don't know my stuff -- because there, you'd be very, very wrong.

Moreover, I never "knew the right people." I syndicated my column myself, and editors thought it was good -- perhaps because it's based in more than just my opinion -- so they eventually picked it up. I'm now syndicated by a syndicate -- but they weren't interested until I'd picked up 70 papers on my own.

In other words, none of your assumptions about me are correct.

However, I still stand by my statement -- which I back up with over 10 years of experience researching and writing about relationships -- that women who turn aspects of dating into a male power fantasy are the worst women a man could choose.

And, of course, these women typically think they're dreamboats and a gift to mankind.

[Amy Alkon]

Sorry, Daniel Dennett wrote "Darwin's Dangerous Idea."

Barkow wrote "Missing the Revolution: Darwinism for Social Scientists," and with Leda Cosmides and John Tooby, is one of the founders of the modern evolutionary psych. movement.

[Acedia]

Amy, don't you have something else to do?

Doesn't your arm hurt patting yourself on the back so much?

No woman need feel or act grateful if she is asked out by a stranger or relative stranger. Miss Manners also writes a column (you might have heard of her) and would politely but firmly beg to differ.

Please go find another board to bother.

[WZ]

I do not turn aspects of dating into a male power fantasy; I was responding to you and the things you said, not anything any male has ever said to me.
You are the one giving the impression a woman being asked on a date is of less value than the male asking; I've never felt a male asking me out believed that to be true.
Gracious and respectful and flattered and polite and all of those things are a no-brainer (though I don't feel the need to lie to people I turn down). "Grateful" smacks of desperation and neediness. I would be very uncomfortable if someone were actually grateful vs simply flattered and gracious if I asked them out.

[Swangirl]

"Women who think like you do, WZ, are THE worst women to get involved with. They always have a chip on their shoulder about something."

Geez, Amy, what did WZ ever do to you? Careful you don't fall off your pedestal there. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean you have to cop such a superior attitude.

[bluefox]

I believe that Amy is on to something. If she struck a nerve with some of the women on this board, all the better.

It is high time the American woman looks at herself hard in the mirror.

[tbone]

I thought the correct response when a man flashed me was to point and laugh!

[Coy Hall]

somebody help me!

[Women masterbating men]

Thanks...,. nice article...very interesting

[Online pharmacy]

I don't feel called to act grateful to every man who asked me out.